Part I of Emotional Hoarding Part I
Before a close friend of mine moved away, we tried to do absolutely everything together, believing it would make being on different continents easier. I’ve heard a similar impulse in the advice often given to expectant parents: “Get some sleep now while you can.”
These well-intentioned suggestions reflect a common coping strategy I refer to as emotional hoarding—the attempt to stockpile experiences or emotions for a future moment when we expect them to be in short supply.
On the surface, emotional hoarding makes sense. Like squirrels storing food for winter, we anticipate difficulty and try to prepare. This behaviour reflects self-reflection and foresight, and often serves a protective function: to avoid anticipated distress, acquire comfort, seek connection, or soothe anxiety.
People may spend extra time with aging parents to lessen future guilt, plan meaningful outings before a child leaves home, or keep themselves constantly busy during uncertain transitions. While these strategies can offer temporary relief, they can also pull us away from the present and rely on distorted predictions about how future emotions will unfold.
Emotional hoarding is not inherently maladaptive. But when we confuse coping with avoidance, or collecting experiences with being present for them, it may leave us feeling more distressed over time.
Learning to distinguish between emotionally fulfilling moments and compulsive accumulation allows us to respond to life transitions with more flexibility—and less pressure to “prepare” for what cannot be stockpiled.
Take a look at resources for journaling.